Have you had the experience of being in the company of a person who has a high opinion of themselves? The more they speak, the more you want to scream/run away or argue back.
It may be someone you know who likes to take centre stage and get their opinion over with no regard for anyone else’s opinion in the room.
- For instance, you are in the workplace and the boss happens to have a self-inflated ego, and they regularly talk at length about their own ideas, without pausing to listen to any other option.
- Or it could be a relative in a family gathering, who perceives that they have some sort of authority over everyone else, perhaps due to their seniority in the group, and incessantly talk about their opinion without interruption.
- Someone you are in a relationship with, and they are controlling you, and their opinion rules the roost.
Listening to someone who takes over, without giving opportunity for others to speak when talking about a subject can be annoying, as well as being threatening, as a high opinionated person gains more confidence the longer, they are permitted to get their views over without interruption. They demand and need high degrees of personal and positional power to ensure control.
Other words used to describe this type of person include:
Self-important / Narcissist / Egotistical / Big headed / Pompous / Conceited / Prejudiced
Collectively, “having an exaggerated sense of one’s own value or importance”.
If you want to make a change to the way that you interact with people like this, who make life difficult for you, I can suggest ways to change and improve your outcome.
There are certain behaviours that play into their hands and there are behaviour’s that will transfer the power back to you.
I would recommend that you do not do any of the following:
Argue or make challenging statements.
Ask them to consider your opinion.
Raise your voice.
Narcissists like to be complimented – say nothing.
Do not give eye contact, as they thrive on attention. Look at your watch, or at anything else other than them.
They use the following words in their statements – ‘Don’t you agree?’ or ‘You know what I mean?’. By answering, this gives the narcissist power, knowing they have your attention and agreement. Do not agree or nod your head.
Do not give too much information about yourself to them, as they will seek to use it against you/find a weakness. Narcissists use bullying tactics to get their own way.
Instead, do try these strategies for a more favourable outcome:
Learn how to set boundaries: What behaviour you find is acceptable and stick to the plan.
Find ways to deflect from questions you feel uncomfortable with. Turn the subject from you, back to the Narcissist – they love talking about themselves.
Find out what you can control and practice techniques to improve your self-esteem.
Check in with the Narcissist, by asking them to clarify what they have just said as you didn’t understand. This may threaten their self-confidence, and they may avoid talking to you in front of others. This is only done in a group setting for your own safety.
Be the quiet one and without agreeing, you are playing the passive role. The Narcissist seeks the weak and compliant person to control, therefore you show strength by being non-committed to questions posed. If asked a question, you can state that ‘You will consider their words’ or ‘Discuss their question with a friend/colleague’. This takes the control away from the Narcissist.
It is easy for me to write and advise on how to deal with a person who displays narcissistic behaviours, however quite the opposite when in a real situation. This may be in a day-to-day environment in your workplace, on a journey, online or closer to home in your relationships. It is never easy to be in that moment faced with a controlling and self-opinionated bully, because this is a form of bullying, make no mistake. You can feel threatened and uncomfortable in an instant. I hope that the above can help you to cope better should you need to deal with a person like this.
If you have any questions, please feel free to get in touch.
Thanks for reading
Steve